See how they smile like pigs in a sty

Swing when you're winning.

This weekend was a Little Bit Different (TM), as I went over to Ipswich on the Friday so that we could spend a family day going around the town and looking at the pigs. This is a public art thing, very like Norwich's gorillas and dragons, and before Arya was born and I was blogging seriously, elephants. I saw my first pig at the station on the way in, then Hanna picked up Andrew and me and we went to get Arya from nursery.

We had a fun evening of not much, and I took Arya to bed, which proved... challenging. This began a pattern which I attribute to the differences in our three parenting styles. Apparently she's been great at sleeping at Martlesham with Andrew, but as that's progressed she's been worse and worse with me, whereas before we'd been doing great with the method that just didn't work at all for Andrew. I'm sure he feels like suggesting a change is fixing what isn't broken, but the truth - and it took this to help me realise this about the way that was working for me - is that if it doesn't work all around, it doesn't work.

Anyhugh, after a very short night's sleep all around (well, apart from me, because she went into Mummy and Daddy Andrew's room in the wee small hours while I slept the sleep of the just, or at least of the smug,) we got up, had a Chiquito's breakfast and headed into town.

I adore this picture.

Arya insisted on wearing her new dress from Auntie Sam - the Auntie Sam who is Daddy Andrew's girlfriend, not to be confused with the Aunti Sam who is Daddy Andrew's sister - which is black with gold birds and - and this is important - has a zip. Once in town, she had a great time.

"Arya, can you see something over there?"
"Pig!"

There were military pigs, armoured pigs, brightly coloured pigs, pigs with wings, and smaller pigs decorated by schools and youth groups. As is par for the course, there were also plenty of pig puns, including at least two Hamlets, Sir Bradley Piggins and a particular favourite, Boarba Fett.

She also had fun sharing mummy's 'special bike' - Hanna bashed her knee in a fall a few weeks back and knackered it spectacularly, the hospital providing crutches, a brace and a pass to get a shopmobility trolley - and periodically trying to drive it into her fellow pedestrians with gay abandon. Eventually we all got tired, so we stopped for tea and cakes - Arya did best here, as our cakes were mostly a little stale, but Starbucks got a new brownie out especially for her to be sure it wasn't gluten contaminated.

"Check that one off."

On the way back to the car we did stop off at the awesome retro clothes shop, where I minded our things and ogled the £60 shirts. Andrew bought a dress for Arya, since she's clearly feeling uncharacteristically dressy at the moment, and one for Hanna, which it feels appropriate to say looked just dolly.

After dinner we headed back to Littleport, with Arya taking an age to fall asleep in the car. We got up on Sunday morning basically wondering what day it actually was. We had a breakfast of 'healthy' pancakes (pancakes with yoghurt and fruit, instead of sugar, jam and cream) and then went to the country park in Ely, where Arya could run around and play, having a heap of fun on the trampoline and only briefly being narked that she wasn't allowed to play on mummy's phone.

At home, there was of course PAW Patrol, but also a little of the bonkers science show Ask the Storybots and the new hotness, Beat Bugs, which aims very specifically - and in Arya's case successfully - to introduce children to the music of the Beatles. On Saturday evening we had some trouble. I'd said 'this is the last episode of PAW Patrol for the day,' and she agreed, then when I turned it off at the end, she slapped me. I put her in her room until she was prepared to talk to me about it, but as she agreed she'd been naughty, which meant no PAW Patrol, I limited the ban to Sunday morning.

Dinner was jugged hare, which turns out to take an age, so Arya had beans on toast with peas and sweetcorn so that we didn't feel like total failures.

Owl and Bear

After another so-so night of sleep requiring all three parents in turns to initiate, Andrew and I took her to soft play while Hanna got some course work done. She had a great time, making friends and even sharing the spinny thing that was previously a major stumbling block. After Mummy picked us up and we headed home, she asked to watch some TV, and although PAW Patrol was back on the table what she asked for was Beat Bugs. 'I'm feeling down,' she expanded, meaning that she wanted the episode 'Help!' in which Not-Rainbow-Dash gets trapped in a jam jar.

Later, we watched the 2016 version of The Jungle Book, which she wasn't too scared by and asked if she could watch on Daddy Andrew's TV, which I guess is her way of asking for the disc to be brought home to Martlesham.

Once more, Arya had some trouble sleeping, and a big part of it is, I suspect, that she's going to bed so wired. I think we need to make an effort to get her fed earlier and then give her some wind-down time, instead of rushing straight into bedtime. As it is,she can't sleep, and gets upset because she can't sleep, and the whole 'you must not interact with her' rule was so hard once she starts getting upset, but we were told it all falls apart if you can't stick to it, but it's not working anyway, not least because how do you have a fixed routine across two houses? So, time for something new, although I'm not sure I trust The Rabbit who Wanted to Go to Sleep.

So much sleepy

Family selfie!

In the words of The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, back when he was known as Prince, 'I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray.' It has been a weird, long weekend, although as you can tell from the selfie above, not all bad by any stretch.

I have, however, not slept enough. More on this later.

She actually did this with almost no help.

This week, Hanna and Arya came over on Thursday night and I 'worked from home' on Friday. When they arrived, at about nine, Arya was still awake enough to cavil over the colour of her night-light, so that was fun.

On Friday morning I got some actual work done while Hanna took Arya to look into ballet clubs, seeking guidance from the lady at The Other Shop, which also allowed Arya to buy a new and more complex jigsaw. They also stopped by the library for a bit, before picking up lunchables and coming home. After lunch, Arya asked if I would come shopping with them, and I didn't have the heart to say no, despite having spent all that time putting together a 'working from home' playlist.

Tescos was doing a thing, giving away fruit for children to eat while you shop. Given how often we end up going into the shop, buying a banana and then doing the main shop, I can not but approve. Arya was nt naughty, but she was hella lively, and everyone was pretty tired already, so it wasn't the most chillaxed of shops. As Hanna was paying for the shopping, I suggested that once the conveyor at the till was loaded I take Arya and get some drinks, and we all sit and mellow in the Costa for a bit. We had hot chocolates all around and I read Arya a book called 'Don't Call Me Sweet'; a classic tale of disgruntled monster youth.

Take a break...

Did I mention that everyone was tired by this point? Because of this, and because the weather was grey and muggy, we didn't get to the park in the afternoon, which may be why it took so long to get Arya to sleep. Well, that and Andrew and I have diametrically opposed strengths vis a vis sleeping methods. I really struggle with the whole 'not interacting' part of the current methods.

Eventually, Arya went to sleep. Hanna and I watched a crappy movie with Nicholas Cage and whiny Vader then went to bed, at which point, Arya woke up complaining of pain in her area. She asked for cream, but rejected all the creams we had, then wanted a wee and after that went to sleep in Mummy's arms.

On Saturday she called me through to tel me that the star on her Gro Clock was now a sun, which meant it was morning time! I pointed out that if it's morning time she can just come through instead of hollering at me, but that is apparently the ravings of a madman. On the upside, she not only recognised what the sun meant, but knew that as much as she wanted to go straight to the PAW Patrol part of the morning, she needed to use the toilet and wash her hands first.

Once we were up and breakfasted, we went to the library, where Arya immediately announced: "I needed to go to the toilet," and quite sensibly decided we should go back and take care of that, before coming back to sort out our books. Which we did. Persisting from last time were current faves 'The Day Louis Got Eaten' and 'Dodo Doo-Doo', and new was Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler's 'The Smartest Giant in Town', which she's really taken to.

Next we went to soft play, and for the most part she ran around all on her own, occasionally disappearing alarmingly from view. Also of note was the fact that she took turns with other children, and was relaxed even with quite large children around her, only really struggling when someone wanted to do the same thing as her at the same time. Apparently turn taking comes quicker than sharing.

On that subject, we persuaded her to take turns choosing things to watch during telly time, so she picked an episode of PAW Patrol, then Mummy chose Inside Out. Then Arya picked an episode of PAW Patrol, then Daddy picked The Little Prince and got a right earful for it. We managed six minutes and I'm still getting it any time it's my turn to choose: "But I don't want the Princess Princess because I don't like it." I'm actually not sure if I like it; I didn't get to see enough.

Anyway, instead we watched Ask the Storybots, which is... It's weird, yeah. It's about five robots who live in a computer app answering questions from children, like 'what makes night happen?' or 'why do we need to brush our teeth?' They go to find out and talk to a guest star, like Jay Leno as King Yardstick (he's the ruler) or Kevin Smith as Super Mega Awesome Ultra Dude, who laughs at one of their misconceptions and sets them on the right track. The science of the answers is simple, but largely accurate. We were quite impressed, and it went down better than The Little Prince.

Also, apparently N is for Ninja these days.

Arya went to bed later, but to sleep quicker, and although she did wake up at 10:30 again she went to sleep pretty quickly, on my lap this time, which felt good.

Cake and Phantom.

What with one thing and another, we decided that Sunday would be a slow day. We encouraged her to play in her house when it was nice and to bounce on her trampoline, especially during Mummy's picks - the Nutcracker with Mikhail Baryshnikov and The Phantom of the Opera* anniversary performance - and although this wasn't a lot of activity, she would have the whole drive home to fall asleep.

The Nutcracker, by the way, was a mixed success. She liked some of the dancing, but the mice and the clowns were scary, she says. At one point a clown dressed up as the Mouse King, just to mess with us. She largely blanked Phantom, but seemed taken with the title number. Actually, when I asked if she liked it she said 'sort of', and I think she liked Christine, but found the Phantom a bit too shouty.

The turn-taking fell down a bit later, as she decided that she didn't want to let Daddy have a turn and I had to turn the TV off for a while. Then we put Storybots on again, and she was slightly scared by the plaque bacteria menacing Toothtown, but seemed to retain some sense of the whole 'why brush our teeth' issue.

As usual, things got more fraught as it got later and everyone got tireder, especially as Hanna and I were, for separate reasons - exam stress and house stress, basically - pretty on edge. Hanna was so jittery that in the end it seemed madness for her to drive home, which did mean that I was putting Arya to bed without having much exercise during the day, which went about as well as could be expected. I finally got her to sleep in our bed, having threatened to leave the room several times in order to keep her from climbing around. Is there any sound sweeter than the first yawn of impending unconsciousness?

She slept through, although not past 6.30. I'd already been awake since about 4.30, so I was in a right state. I was better for a shower, and Hanna gave me a lift into Ely. We said goodbyes, but just as I was getting on my train I got a call from Hanna so that Arya could say 'I love you Daddy.' Bless.

* A good percentage of my disagreements with Hanna, at least on the matter of entertainment, have to do with Phantom.

The Trouble with PAW Patrol

Mother and daughter

It's been an up and down weekend. Mostly up, but with a big down.

The good is that we spent an hour or so at the pool, and had a great time. She got a bit tired and mucked about at the end, taking a fall, but wasn't badly hurt. When we got home she let me give her a bath wearing her new goggles to protect her eyes, and that was great too. She even let me give her her nasty medicine without any trouble, and when I put her to bed - albeit slightly late - she went to sleep quickly. Now, I ought to add that Friday's bedtime was tougher. I've been using one approach, and it turns out that Andrew and Hanna have been using a different one which doesn't involve leaving her on her own and checking in from time to time, so my not staying with her... didn't go down well.

Anyway, Sunday. On Sunday morning she woke up after spending the night in with Mummy, went through to check her new gro clock, then came to the living room to wake me up, because the clock was showing the happy sun face that means it's wake up time. I was in the middle of a dream partly inspired by rewatching Fury Road the night before, so when I woke up to a little girl's face calling me, I sort of knew how Mad felt.

Serious face.

We went to the cinema, which means Chiquito's breakfast, and we saw Finding Dory. Despite some early jitters, Arya managed to stick it out, and seemed to really enjoy the film. She watched some PAW Patrol on the way back, and then agreed to Sarah & Duck instead when we got home, so that Mummy and Daddy didn't go crazy. At dinner time she stopped watching to eat, and then...

Then things went a little south.

She said she was full, watched the end of her episode, and when I asked her to come and get ready for bed, she burst into tears and then insisted that she wanted to come back to the table and finish her pizza. This built into a major row, because she was either lying to try to avoid going to bed or, more likely, had lied about being full so she could watch TV. Hanna got angry. I got angry. We were all tired and tempers were high.

Eventually we managed to find some calm. Arya ate a little more pizza, took her medicine and - because she did that very well, and it is nasty stuff - had a little ice cream. After that she got ready pretty well and I tried not to get angry again, because the simple fact is that she doesn't understand that we're in a hurry, that Mummy needs to leave to pick up Daddy Andrew from the train station, because she's three. However, the upshot of this is that she isn't allowed to watch PAW Patrol for a week, because it's not okay for her to lie to us.

I told her she shouldn't even ask for PAW Patrol this week, but I don't know if she'll understand that. She did straight-faced deny that she'd got into any trouble that evening just ten minutes after she'd been howling in tears. On the other hand, it's not that she has a bad memory. Early in the day she'd repeated back to me what I'd told her at bedtime a week before, almost word for word; and not just 'goodnight.' but: 'if you get ready quickly, you can have one more episode of PAW Patrol, and then I'll say goodnight and I'll be right outside.' She's a smart kid, which is perhaps part of the problem. She's learning to manipulate and it's something I want her to partially unlearn. I guess what I want is for her to know how to manipulate, so that she can see if someone tries it, but not actually do it.

Anyway, it was a less-than-ideal ending to what was otherwise a really good weekend, and hopefully will prove to be an aberration and not the start of a trend, because the rest really was wonderful.

And another thing...

Presenting the choccy biccy banana sandwich.

This landmark in snacking is made from a gluten-free Nairns chocolate chip biscuit break and slices of banana, and represents one of Arya's first independent culinary experiment.

I in no way guided, nor encouraged this experiment. This was all her. I'm so proud.

The Empire Widower

There was a time she couldn't climb onto
that dragon without help.

This past weekend was Empire, which would normally mean a solitary weekend getting some housework done, or paying Dishonoured and occasionally feeling guilty about the not-doing of housework, but this time out, I got to spend the time with Arya.

She's not an Empire orphan, of course, since she has a character and everything. One of the firsts for this weekend was that she told me about her LARP character and regaled me with tales of Empire. Specifically, about the time she went camping and played with Little Bat and Little Spider, and that she doesn't want to be Little Biscuit. Of course, her preferred alternative character name is 'Arya'...

Hanna and Andrew came over on Thursday and left on Friay morning, leaving Arya with me. We went to the library, had cuddles, watched PAW Patrol in a carefully monitored pattern (one episode of PAW Patrol followed by something else; after an hour and a half tops, we do something other than TV.) This included a trip to the park, and a trip to the shops where Arya picked up a bottle from a flashy display.

"We get this."
"No, Arya; we don't need that."
"I think we do. If it gets sunny." Holds out bottle of kids factor 50 sunscreen
...
"Okay. Fair call."

We also had to visit the pharmacy on the way to the park, where Arya set her heart on a new toothbrush. It wasn't expensive and she swore up and down that she needed a new one for Ipswich, and she was otherwise very good about waiting for the pharmacist to get back, so I bought it for her. I would later regret this.

Getting her to bed was a bit of a struggle, and the new routine was hit and miss. After about half an hour of me checking in on her, she decided that she wanted me there and was going to fight for it. I sat and held her hand and she went off pretty quickly, and although she did then wake up in the middle of the night, she was off again once I brought her through and slept through.

That was the good night.

Swing!

Saturday was a lot like Friday, but with the added bonus of Arya coming down with a bit of a cold. She also became recalcitrant about washing her hands, insisting that she was scared to do so. 'Scared' appears to be a bit of a go to excuse, because she's learned that we are sympathetic if things scare her. We went to the park again, with Arya slathered in sunscreen (at her own insistence.) We played 'three little pigs' and traded off being the wolf a few times. She's also now insisting on using the zipline on her own, which is nerve-wracking. She loves to hang onto a strap three feet clear of the ground travelling at speed, but she's scared of the sink?

When we got home I ran her a bath, and this is where things started to go awry. It took a while to talk her into the bath, and we started with a hairwash. Flannel on the eyes, water on, and she looked down.

"Keeping looking up!"
"It's in my eyes!"
"Because you looked down, darling."

Okay, so I got her calmed down and gave her another dry flannel, which she put in the water. I think that one was by accident, but the third and final one was on purpose. I'm sorry to say I started to lose it at that point, and I did shout at her, which I hate doing. It was just... We'd got that one down, y'know? We'd finally cracked it, and now we're back to square one and she has ice cream in her hair. By this stage, however, the water was stone cold and I didn't want to keep her in.

She fussed about dinner, and then it was time to get ready for bed and she wanted to use her new toothbrush. No, Arya; that's for Ipswich. There followed a long talk about how she already has two toothbrushes here and she needs to use one of those, unless they're no good anymore, in which case they need to go in the bin. She immediately grabs them to put in the bin.

"But if I'm good they can come out again?"
"No. If they go in the bin, it's because they're broken."
"I keep this one and the new one?"
"No. If you keep that one, you use it now."

Eventually she dropped one of the brushes and tried to pick it up with her feet.

"Arya; pick that up with your hand."
"I can't!"
"Arya; if I have to pick that up, all three brushes go in the bin, and I'm going across the road to the shop, where I will buy you the most boring toothbrush imaginable."
"I can't!"
"Why not!"
"Because I want you to!"

She then went and sat at the back door and called for Mummy and Daddy Andrew for five minutes. After many tears, we reached a compromise, that I would pick up the toothbrush, and she would clean it off and brush her teeth with it, which she did.

"Can I have PAW Patrol?"
"Well, we said that you could have one more episode if you got ready fro bed quickly and without any fuss. Did you do that?"
*nods*
"Really? That bit where we screamed at each other in the bathroom, you ran out and we both burst into tears; that wasn't a fuss?"
*shakes head*
"No PAW Patrol. Maybe in the morning."

Alas, I spoke too soon. Arya was sparko by 8.15, but at one in the morning became restless and started talking in her sleep, eventually waking and calling me through. She was practically incandescent, so into Mummy and Daddy's bed and have some nasty medicine. Two hours later she woke up again feeling achy. The other sort of medicine, and we tried calling Mummy, who called back a bit later, after we'd watched some PAW Patrol on my phone. Once she'd spoken to Mummy, she settled, and woke me at eight, coughing and retching.

Play dough.

I did the whole dance of self-recrimination - did I feed her something with gluten in? did I accidentally take her to play in a plague pit? was the ham expired? - but basically she just had a fever. There was more medicine and careful feeding, and we had a sofa day with a more lax Paw Patrol policy, play dough and books.

Dinner was troublesome - "Do you still want chili?" "Yes." <later> "I don't want this!" - and I didn't get her to bed until half-eight, but she then went to sleep very quickly and neatly. When Hanna and Andrew got home I told them she was still awake, then looked in and saw she had just gone off.

They left this morning, with Arya mostly asleep, but she cuddled me as I carried her to the car and woke up to say a sort of goodbye. She drives me crazy, and I'm going to miss her through the week; just like always.