Grumpy Love

Before.

After.

On Friday I went out to Addenbrookes' hospital to meet Hanna and Arya, as Hanna had to bring in her ID and prove her right to work in this country. I got there just as Arya was spilling hot chocolate down herself, and as the foyer shops didn't have any children's clothes, Hanna bought a scarf and wrapped it round her like a sarong (see left) until we could get to Sainsbury's and get her a new, entirely, 100% practical new outfit (see right.) On the road we listened to the Moana soundtrack, which she is especially keen on at the moment.

We went home and had pizza, then I put Arya to bed and, honestly, she was great. We had a wee bust up because she wouldn't wait for me to get her milk and instead wanted to come with me. In the end I let her and it didn't really set her off at all, so in future I'm not going to argue if it comes up. Anyway, she drank the milk and then lay down, and while it still took a little while for her to get to sleep, she didn't make a big effort to stay awake, and that's huge progress.

Then in the middle of the night she came in and climbed in to snuggle up behind me, which was terrifying as I had no idea how much space she had and was worried I would squash her or push her off the bed if I moved in the night. Eventually, and with a surprising amount of effort, I got her moved into the middle of the bed.

El Relaxo.

I woke with my alarm at 6.30, asked Hanna if she wanted first shower and then realised it was 7.15, so once more it was a bit of a rush into ballet. She seems now to have decided that under the stairs is just the best place to get changed and insisted on it again. As it was the last lesson of the term we got to go in and watch, and she's come on by leaps and bounds. She got a bit distracted towards the end because she wanted to come and get cuddles, which interestingly she had predicted might well happen.

After, we did the teacups and while Mummy did some shopping we nipped in to get her a card (Arya wanted the pink one with 'Happy 5th Birthday' on the front,) came out with a swirly light-up techno-snowglobe and then circled for ten minutes looking for Mummy and vice versa. Thanks to the madness of pre-Christmas Ely, we were late for Tumble Tots again, but not by much. We went shopping in the afternoon and by that point Arya was flagging, so we went home and chilled. We had a bit of trouble when Arya refused to drink her juice  - we're worried that she isn't drinking enough - and tried to give her juice by Calpol syringe (the efficacy of this as a punishment was somewhat called into question by the fact that she was mostly upset that Mummy wouldn't let her syringe the juice into her own mouth, but we still felt bad.)

In the evening, she had a bath with Mummy and afterwards settled to sleep just beautifully. Not quickly, but no fuss or anything. She slept through as well, eventually calling me through at spot-on 7am. We played with her playdough for a bit and then she dragged her wooden duck up and down until Mummy was awake.

Arya was a little bit tired, we think.

We aimed for a quiet day, only popping out for shopping and terror in Ely. First we went to the dance studio to see if we could get her hairbrush back from where we'd left it, but they had finished their lessons and were closed. Then we ate in Pizza Express because hunger was a thing. After that we went to Waitrose for shopping and Arya tried to have a kip in the trolley while we piled shopping around her.
Then it was time to go home, and Arya excitedly ran towards the car... on the other side of the car park. We both called at the same time and she stopped and the car stopped and the driver came back all shaky to check that everything was all right. Arya of course was recovered, but I was shaky and Hanna was worse.

The rest of the evening was pretty chilled, with just a bit of tension when getting ready for bed. She'd used the toilet and was supposed to be washing her hands, but was dawdling and not really listening to me.

"Arya! Are you listening?"
"I was about to turn on the tap!"
"But were you listening?"
"I was doing it!"

"But... Arya! Hands away from your mouth until you've cleaned them."

"My face was itching. I. Can't. Help it. I. Had to. Get the hair. Out of my face." And then she turns this stroppy little face half away from me and mutters grumpily: "I love you."

"I love you," I replied.

"No, I love you."

Once she was ready we sat and watched Pajanimals until Mummy brought the car down and they headed off.

Adventures with Viruses

Too much cute... Rebooting cynicism...
Cynicism load failed.

Well, this has been an exciting week.

Almost exactly a week ago, we set off from my place for Leeds, to visit Hanna's grandparents for a sort of early Christmas(1). It's about a three hour drive, and although Arya went to sleep she then woke up as we took her in and we had a very, very late night in the end. This was a pattern followed for much of the weekend, as Arya was super, super psyched to have all three parents, a set of grandparents, Uncle Crazy and three dogs. She is much, much more comfortable with the dogs now she's a little bigger (although still much smaller than a staffie) and spent loads of time patting and cuddling them. Perhaps even more impressive, she's got 'how to pet dogs' down pat; none of your usual small child pooch spine battering here.

One of the reasons she went to sleep so late was that she realised that we weren't putting her down in her inflatable Peppa Pig bed, for the arguably insufficient reason that she's much too big for it now. She was adamant that the Peppa Pig bed is for camping and for Granny Spot's(2) house. In fairness, she had been looking forward to it; she told me so before we left. Anyway, to avert this issue in future, we lined up a set of options for her to look at on the Argos website and she was very taken with the Disney Princess bed. As Hanna was shattered from a) driving up the night before and b) driving out and around in the morning to find a suitable walk in centre because Arya was roasting(3), her brother David (the aforementioned Uncle Crazy) drove me out to pick up the bed. I also got a thermometer (now we have one in each house!) vitamins and a toothbrush for Arya. The last of these was a little battery-powered number like Daddy's power toothbrush and very, very exciting(4).

The new bed.

The theme of the day was very much 'collapsed on a sofa', which unfortunately meant that Arya did end up a little wired at bedtime. Or was that on Thursday?

Okay, so... I know pretty much all of the stuff that happened, but I'm going to be honest; I'm not sure what happened when necessarily. That's how tired I got.

Right, so I think she went down okay on Wednesday night. Late, but ultimately she just conked out on the new bed and I went down to spend a few minutes with family before giving up and turning in myself. It was my turn to sleep on the floor mattress, so I woke up to find Arya shaking my shoulder and telling me that she needed to go to the toilet.

Thrusday was actual un-Christmas, with turkey and presents around the tree. Arya had to be restrained from opening everything (but only really hers, so that's progress,) and we just opened one each otherwise. Then Hanna and Granny took Arya out for a girls' day. Arya, bless her, had no interest in a 'girls' day', but was delighted to spend time with Mummy and Granny Spot. I promptly fell asleep and woke up to find Arya knee deep in Mummy's old My Little Pony toys and accompanied by a brand new Chase, because Granny had gone a little mad on indulging her.

Mummy's old Ponies and Arya's new Chase.

And yes, it was on Thursday that she decided sleep was for tortoises, and instead bounced and wriggled and played with Granny's torch that we were using as an impromptu night light. It ended up requiring multiple parents to get her to sleep, and I was basically not fit for human company by the end of it.

On Friday we went to meet one of Hanna's old friends and former bridesmaids at Starbucks, and once we'd established which Starbucks we sat and had a pleasant natter broken by a nearly-very-nasty Brexit row. Andrew and I took Arya to IKEA while Hanna said her goodbyes and we went around the shop with Arya merrily pushing a tiny, child-sized trolley. We bought some bits and pieces, but really we were looking for a spare backboard and metal rack for the broken daybed. Amazingly, we - and by we I mean Andrew - found one. I took Arya to find somewhere for lunch while Andrew and Hanna packed the boards in the car and that, dear reader, is where the trouble really started.

You see, the Clio is a smallish car, and a bed is a longish thing. we had to call Grandpa Scott to pick up Andy and me and drive us home via a car place to pick up some straps. Hanna managed to arrange things so that we didn't have to carry the boards in the rain, but this did mean we were sort of crammed in, with the car seat on the wrong side and boards on our shoulders for the three hour drive home.  Still this did mean that we were truly glad to be back home. Even if I didn't have any milk for my tea.

Man, when they told her she had to leave it
behind...

And that was that, except that that was Friday and we still had a weekend ahead.

On Saturday I took Arya to ballet on the bus so that Hanna and Andrew could lie in, and then I just... stopped, because I had basically been awake since Arya kicked off at about 4.30. For that, and the fact that I had to take Arya out in her PJs and she didn't want any of the things I could find her for breakfast (she wanted a venison burger from the farmer's market, but in the absence of a GF bun, we had to take a rain check on that one,) it went pretty well.

She decided that she wanted to sit on the front seat of the bus, and then that she wanted to get changed in the front foyer of the dance studio but not when anyone was in there to see. Finally I got her changed at the bottom of the stairs, and we borrowed a hairbrush from one of the other mums to get her tangles sorted out. She went in eagerly, leaving me to chat with the mums. I think we're both doing pretty well with our respective social anxieties, and she came out entirely happy.

After persuading her to let me change her into street clothes, we headed out into the market and she rode the teacups. I don't know if she was doing it for everyone or just recognised repeat customers, but she got a present from the lady who runs the ride; a little Usborne early reader, which was lovely.

My brave traveller.

We met up with Mummy and Daddy Andrew and got her fed and to Tumble Tots (just), then home to basically pass out on the sofa with Arya occasionally shaking me to remind me it was still wakey time. I don't recall much of the afternoon - mostly I remember that at one point she got upset and told me that she didn't like Daddy Andrew, but later admitted that actually she didn't like something Daddy Andrew had done(5) - but in the evening we had fish and wedges (which went down very well) and she went to sleep with little trouble at all, although I also conked out for half an hour.

On Sunday we had cream cheese and egg pancakes for brunch, then went to the cinema. Moana proved fairly scary as these things go, but she stuck it out and, even when most complaining that she wanted to go home was glued to the screen. At home we had bolognese and then it was time for them all to head off. I was and am still pretty knackered (and coldy,) and as it's about quarter past ten, I'm going to sleep now.

Soupey twist.

(1) I dubbed it un-Christmas, but managed not to sing 'A Very Merry Unbirthday to Jesus', which might have been tacky.
(2) Her delightful rendition of 'Granny Scott'.
(3) In addition to a slight cold we brought with us, we were informed first thing in the morning that 'we've all got this virus.'
(4) We're working on the way to use it properly.
(5) Asked her to listen and told her he would take away Everest, which I did later suggest might be a bit much, since it wasn't directly consequential.

With Jesus and Everything

Christmas time is here by golly...

On Friday, the family arrived with the tree. It's a new tree from Santa, by way of Granny Scott, and it's seven feet tall; next year we're presumably going to be going up to nine, as this seems to be the pattern. This meant that a lot of Friday evening was spent decorating the tree. Arya opened her advent book - The Owl and the Pussycat - and I read it to her before getting her into bed around 9, but she actually went to sleep pretty quickly.

In the morning we woke up in decent time for ballet, and then squandered that extra time so that we had to rush again. I ended up changing Arya from her pyjamas into her ballet kit at the bottom of the stairs in ballet, because she wouldn't go upstairs without changing, which meant sitting in front of the fire door, trying to wrestle her into her clothes while shielding her modesty with my body and waving to the other parents as they went by. Still, once she was ready she went straight in on her own. After ballet we split into two teams: Andrew and Sam went to order the Christmas food(1), while Hanna and I took Arya for the everyday shop.

Dory Cup.

Then it was Tumble Tots. Arya resisted changing out of her Christmassy blue dress, but once she was ready she was great and went in perfectly. When she came out to use the toilet she was excellent and sensible and everything. After TT, she put on her Rapunzel dress and we went home, then out to the library through the gauntlet of tombolas and raffles making up the Littleport Christmas Fair. The rest of the afternoon was pretty quiet, we had dinner and then it was bedtime.

And that, as they say, was when the trouble started.

She got grumpy about getting ready, and grumpy because she wasn't as wild about Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves(2) as The Owl and the Pussycat. She didn't give Mummy a hug, so wanted to go and do that after about twenty minutes of 'trying' to sleep, then got cross with me for something and told me to leave her alone. Then she was restless for a long time and told Hanna that she was afraid someone would take her and we wouldn't be there.

Damn.

Balloon!

Now... Hanna thinks that she's infected Arya with her fear of kidnapping. Given how fearless she is most of the time, I wonder if Arya isn't rather using the things she's heard us say to try to express existential fears that she doesn't really understand. So, if we leave her in the room she can't see us, that's like when Mummy and Daddies get scared because they can't see her. Either way, she got pretty het up and took a long time to go to sleep. Eventually Hanna got her settled and I was able to cuddle her until she went out.

Then Nyarlathotep ate our faces, just to show us(3).

Sunday morning was pretty chilled, as these things go. Arya even agreed to use the toilet before wetting her nappy. It was so chilled that we once again ended up running late without really realising it. Go us.

Hanna and Arya and I went to a christening. Not, as I had at first assumed, a sort-of-christening-type-thing for roleplaying weirdoes, but an actual christening in a church, with Jesus and everything. We arrived about twenty minutes late and missed the sermon with the men at work sign (it's going to bug me, wondering what that was all about) but in plenty of time for the second hymn(4), the prayers and the whole call and response, audience participation bit. Arya was a bit lost, but super well-behaved and very keen to help put the hymn books away at the end. She then went haring out of sight around the edge of the church, and as much as I wanted her to stay where I could see her, it was good to see her being her usual, fearless self.

New car seat selfie!

There was a reception/party (not sure which a christening gets) nearby. There wasn't a lot that was GF, but someone quickly whipped up some sandwiches for Hanna and Arya to have with the ham and cheese, and some brownie for after. Arya then utterly gorged herself on pink macaroons (a pastry with no flour of any kind, you say!) and we went home via Halfords to pick up a new, larger car seat. I was pondering getting an LED lamp for LARPing, and Arya was very taken with it, by which I mean she took it and ran around the shop with it. For the better part of an hour. She also wanted to try out the bikes and decided that she really wanted the Cupcake bike and not the Princess one (that her Mummy has already paid for.) Fortunately, in the car Mummy mentioned that she'd asked Santa for the Princess bike and Arya replied: "Oh yes; that one is my favourite.")

Daddy Andrew: "And the sheep and the goat
can go on top and be friends."
Arya: They're not friends.
Daddy Andrew: Why not?
Arya: They're a sheep and a goat!
Apparently this self-evidently disqualifies
them from friendship.

Back at home, Arya played Duplo with Daddy Andrew and built a garage for the Batmobile, mostly out of animals. And for those who maybe thought I was kidding about Bat-Horse... Slowly the Bat-Tortoise I did make up, although the Bat-Turtle exists in a hundred slightly-modified TNMT action figures, and Bat-Goat remains an affectionate term for Baphomet used in the higher echelons of the Knights Templar(5). There is no Bat-Polar Bear, and this makes me sad. And concerned. Who else would fight all that arctic circle crime?

After dinner, I got Arya ready for bed, which was... slow going. We'd offered her the choice of going to sleep at my place or going straight in the car, and I think she probably didn't want to go and was stringing it out. We were going to put her in the car once she'd had at least a stab at sleep, but in the end I suggested to her that we read an extra book (as well as the day's advent book, Rumplestiltskin) and then go into the car, which worked out pretty well.

And I get to see her again in just a couple of days, as we'e going up to Leeds to see Hanna's parents for pre-Christmas.

(1) I recognise the value of reserving these things early, but I'll be honest, it did kind of feel like just spreading the stress out as 'what kind of ham?' became a total thing.
(2) Weirdly, the book keeps almost all of the murders, but the Chief Robber just sacks the two thieves who fail to locate Ali Baba instead of offing them.
(3) That frame of mind when you feel that Elder Sign is judging you. #parentalproblems
(4) I'm guessing Jerusalem was the first, because the others weren't and one of them always is.
(5) Future Arya, do not rely on this blog for history homework!

Dubstep Giraffes and Other Strangeness

"Is that beard real?"(1)

This weekend, there were giraffes, both regular and dubstep.

We began as normal with Hanna and Andrew arriving with Arya, having texted me their ETA and the message not getting to me because my flat is a mobile reception blackspot. Thus, I did not have dinner ready and had to race to do that, then get Arya into bed and to sleep, which took quite some time and an emergency mummy cuddle to achieve.

On Saturday morning, at about 2.30, Arya woke up and wanted Mummy. I ended up on the sofa, Hanna barely slept, and we all slept in in the morning and were in a terrible rush to get up and out and about. Ballet first, then Tumble Tots, after which we changed Arya into her princess dress (and man, that Anna dress has done sterling service since Hanna got it for her. Like... at least a year and it still fits nicely. Anna dress, we salute you) and headed for Colchester Zoo, more or less via Ipswich. We were all so tired that we almost called it, but we'd bought tickets and Arya had told all her friends she'd be going.

It was exhausting. It was occasionally frustrating. But I'm glad we did it.

As zoo visits go, it might not tick all the usual boxes. We didn't see a lot of animals, and many of them only in passing, but on this occasion that wasn't the point. Our first stop was to the giraffes, for Arya to feed them. This was almost a total bust, as of the two giraffes that came into the feeding pen, one was shy and the other didn't want to eat without his friend, but they got their nerve up and took the leaves, and Arya was very happy with that.

My photo game was not strong; I blame cold fingers.

After that, we fed ourselves and Arya ran around one of the playgrounds, then we wandered back to the far end of the zoo to visit Santa. We went past a reindeer stable en route, which Arya was quite taken with, and she loved Santa's grotto, running back and forth, looking at the vignettes and very politely asking Mrs Claus for another marshmallow (that being the only gluten free option.) The virtual sleigh ride just seemed to baffle her, however, and by the time we reached Santa she was flagging and back to being really shy (although she liked her present; a slightly-too-young puzzle... with a giraffe on it(2).) Mind you, she was wary of Santa the last time she visited one, so she might just not trust big white beards.

Arya is far right, looking overwhelmed.

We spent a little time at the indoor softplay area, but Arya got lost and couldn't find her way out, then fell over while Mummy was trying to find her way in. That was a bit traumatic. Then we had some dinner and went to the shop, where Arya found a pair of My Little Pony beanies that she instantly adored, and a flamingo for Daddy Andrew's Christmas present, which I had to hide up my jumper after we bought it, giving me what Arya tactfully called a 'fat flamingo belly'. Thanks, kiddo.

By this point, it was clear that the pantomime which began at seven was right out, but we stayed for the lights. Initially just some swinging spotlights and blinking fairy lights, these kicked it up a notch when the giraffe statue started to flash and pulse in time to the dubstep carols. Arya loved this, of course, but nonetheless decided that she wanted to go home now, and this felt fair. She conked out in the car and so did I, and when we got home we put her to bed.

Hat selfie.

In the morning she came through to Mummy at about eight while I was creeping about trying to get breakfast ready. She complained of an owy belly and wanted to get dressed, but when we asked if she woudl try to use the toilet she fell asleep again while protesting that she didn't need to. Then she woke up and had cereal and a banana, then more cereal, and in the end didn't eat much of her sausage, egg, beans and bacon at all(3). Once we'd eaten - as per usual, much later than planned - they were off once again, as Arya's best friend Cory(4) was having his birthday party.

So cool.

Thus Sunday was unusually solo; restful, but a bit melancholy. Apparently she was asking to come back to my place on Sunday evening, which is good to know.

Saturday was a long, long day, but a good one, even if I spent most of it without my glasses(5). We were all pretty wiped, but a fine time was had. Giraffes were fed, and Arya even got close to the goats without panicking, which is a huge step forward for someone who not long ago fled the mere presence of a goat.

I can't believe I don't have a picture of the dubstep giraffe at all. Hopefully Hanna or Andrew will have one.

(1) Not an actual quote.
(2) I'm not sure if it's really been clear from this blog, but she loves giraffes. They're her favourite; even more than unicorns and PAW Patrol.
(3) So that was lunch.
(4) He of the 'PAW Patrol is just for boys' claim.
(5) Because I forgot them, not because Arya wanted to borrow my prescription shades.

Bump

Because she's worth it.

It's been a nervewracking weekend, this one.

Friday was okay, although Arya continues to fight sleep with every fibre of her tiny being. I'm certain now that it's because she wants to spend time with us, but it means she quickly gets tired and irritable during the day.

On Saturday we had all the usual activities, and on the way home from TT we went to the park so I could buy drugs(1). Arya wanted Andrew and I to swing her, so we did, but in the cold our grip was not all it could have been and... Look, I wish I could say it was the worst knock of the weekend, but suffice to say that Andrew and I were looking up the address for Puppies, Pianos and Ponyies R Us(2).

We got home and I gave Arya a bath, and she was perfect. No fuss. No trouble. We had a chilled afternoon and all was good until bedtime, when she once more refused to sleep and in the end I had to go because I was ill and tired and grumpy and I didn't want to a) shout at her or b) be the reason that she wasn't sleeping. Hanna eventually got her to sleep, and we all felt kind of bad.

Sadly I was too slow to get a shot of her patting the wooden dog and
showing it her leaflet.

On Sunday we went out to Thetford Forest for a slightly ill-advised picnic and a walk on the Gruffalo orienteering course. The weather was foul, but a good time was had, with just a slight upset when the maypole swing swooped Arya out at 70 degrees to vertical, then swung her back into the central support. Fortunately a) the pole is padded, b) she swung back in as the swing slowed and c) she hung on like a boss. There were tears, but mostly from shock, and she was soon up and raring to go. She was especially excited to see the Gruffalo's Child again, so we missed the end of the trail(3) and went straight to the big finish.

Arya was so delighted with this picture
that she insisted on retaking it, and
pulled her own hat down at the last
moment in the retake.

We went home, where we chilled for a bit watching Room on the Broom and playing games. While Mummy and Daddy Andrew made dinner, Arya got her Doctor's kit out and checked my vitals. One ear turned up a temperature of 43 degrees and the other 42, which she told me wasn't good, because it meant I had blood in my ears. She got the 'ladder' (packing foam from my computer) and made a stretcher to push me to hospital on. to make it big enough, she worked on it with her thermometer as if it were a sonic screwdriver. Then she wanted to attach a suction cup to my tongue (which was broken, she decided) and produced another piece of packing material. I protested that it wouldn't fit in my mouth, to which she responded wearily: "I'm just pretending."

Sonic.

And then she fell off the sofa, which was thankfully the last of her falls for the weekend, and she was none the worse besides a few tears. She's a tough little sprout and no mistake.

She was much better at bedtime, letting me brush her hair without a fuss and mostly lying down when I asked her. It still took most of an hour for her to drop off,. but it wasn't too stressful. I can't say the same for her waking up at half two, insisting on coming to Mummy and Daddy Luke and slapping us about the faces for an hour. I am so tired right now...

They all left this morning, and I got up to say bye-bye. Now I'm in work, staring at things and waiting for them to make sense.

(1) The park is right by the GP's office and the pharmacy where I get my prescriptions filled.
(2) The one stop shop for all your parental guilt purchasing.
(3) Totally on purpose; we definitely didn't take a wrong turn.

Grump

Arya selfie. John Cleese and Eric Idle can
jog on.

It's been an exciting weekend in all... Well, some of the wrong ways, and I have been Captain Grumpy Pants.

Okay, it's not been all bad, but Arya has been ill and so have Hanna and I, and honestly, I was not able to provide the kind of unflagging familial support that I normally expect of myself. The strain of such days tends to manifest specifically in the bathroom, usually when I am trying to get Arya to either wash her hands or brush her teeth. Mostly the former, as my mild germaphobia desperately wants her to wash before she shoves her hand into her mouth up to the wrist (something I woudl rather she didn't do anyway, as I always worry she's going to choke or something.) So, the specifics of the weekend are a little vague in my head, and I'll do my best to sum up.

Friday we had dinner and I took Arya to bed. It took a while for her to get to sleep, and in the end she dropped off while cuddling Hanna's newest hottie, the beanie dinosaur soon to be called Rubble. In the morning, therefore, I offered her a deal: I would get her her own hottie if she would cuddle it while she went to sleep (since moving around is a big part of the problem, and cuddling a toy can be a good way to occupy fidgety limbs; it's why I still cuddle a toy tiger when I sleep(1).)

We did ballet, and then Tumble Tots, where they had a photographer in. It's pricey to get the pictures, but there were some really lovely shots and she took some with Hanna and I as well. There are also several with Skye the pink alicorn(2) hottie, which we picked up in Sainsbury's and which she's barely put down since. The dinosaur was retroactively named Rubble for a PAW Patrol theme.

Beauty and the Beast (not that Rubble is all
that beastly.)

We got home and Hanna and Arya managed to get all the way through Beauty & the Beast, which was also a new one for me and probably less of an allegory for the US election than I took it for. Unfortunately, Arya was getting more and more ill, and by bedtime she was a) exhausted and b) actively fighting sleep and incapable of getting comfortable. For the first time in a while I couldn't get her to go down, and Hanna had to take over. Given Arya's illness, Hanna went in with her and I passed out on the sofa. I thought this would mean I would be fine in the morning, but apparently not, as Hanna had to get up because I was losing my cool trying to get Arya to wash her hands. Partly this was because I'd been on a high after she agreed to try to use the toilet when she woke up without a struggle, and partly because I was coming down with Arya's cold and thus more tired and grumpy than I thought.

So, yeah; I feel a bit rubbish.

Sassy, dressing gown play-dough.

Arya was pretty zapped for most of the day, and kicked off at the slightest provocation. In particular she got very, very upset when Hanna called 111, and when we tried to take her to the out of hours GP (waiting an hour while later arrivals went in ahead of us, because why not,) and when the tap in the hospital toilet drenched her top. After that, she perked up immensely and was her usual, perky self by the time we saw the doctor. Quite refreshingly, he took us seriously and wrote a delayed prescription in case Arya gets another of her chest infections.

We came home, chilled and had dinner. I got Arya ready to go home, then we watched a bit of Pajanimals before they left. I was not entirely chill, but better than the morning.

So, yeah... I don't feel that I was as good as I should be, but it wasn't a total disaster. Work to do, and get plenty of sleep this week.

(1) Shut up, okay.
(2) Winged unicorn, as you'd know if you watched My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Joy and Madness

Oooo.

So, we had a bit of an adventure this weekend. Friday was pretty standard: Arrive, cuddles, dinner (pasta cheese,) bed, 'I can't sleep,' 'lie down and close your eyes,' 'seriously, eyes closed, sweetie,' sleep. On Saturday we were back to the run of ballet, shopping and Tumble Tots, with a side trip to pick up warm clothes for Arya. She requested Batman gloves and a Elsa hat, but needs must and we ended up with My Little Pony gloves and hat and a big, pink scarf. We also ended up running a little late (my bad, I just had to put the shopping cart away and throw the rubbish,) but it all worked out in the end.

Also, free magazine from Tumble Tots, which always triggers a welter of guilt. This term: Why giving children milk at bedtime makes you a horrible monster!

We went home and had lunch, then very shortly after we were onto pizzas for dinner. Arya helped me with the toppings, and I hadn't the heart to gainsay her. See, I'd had to go across the road for mozzarella. I asked Arya if she wanted to come with me, but explained that we'd have to go straight away, not when her episode of PAW Patrol finished. She decided that she wanted to finish her episode, so I nipped out and back, at which point she put on her flipflops and asked if they were okay for going out in.

The first couple of bangs spooked Arya a
little.

I am a monster.

The reason for the early dinner was that we'd decided to take Arya to the fireworks in Cambridge. Well, actually we decided to take her to the fireworks in Ely, but there weren't any and we'd already made the offer to her. We left much later than planned, but still got there in time.

Actually, it was pretty great timing in the end. We got a decent spot and didn't have time to be distracted by the funfair rides. We did get Arya a flashing wand, and although they were out of the butterfly ones that she really fancied she was pretty taken with the star in the end. The first few bangs were a shock, but it was a good display and she was soon swept up in the excitement. She was also utterly adorable bundled up in her hat and scarf, and we even managed not to lose a glove or an Everest.

Oh, yeah; her gran bought her an Everest (from PAW Patrol) plushie, which is just the best thing ever in Arya's eyes. Granny Scott has completely won at presents.

Heading back, we spent forty-five minutes or so getting out of the car park, then Arya went to sleep in the car. It was quite late, so I'm glad to say that she slept in a bit. I was up and about when she emerged from her room.

Polystyrene packing = rescue
ladder for Everest.

We went out for a last bit of shopping, but spent most of the day getting some rest. As we discussed:

Arya: I'm a little bit tired.
Me: We're going to have a quiet day today because we're all a little bit tired. It was a long day yesterday and a late night.
Arya: (with absolute gravity) Yep.

Hanna sat to watch Beauty & the Beast with Arya, but Arya got a little spooked and asked to go home to Ipswich, which seemed an extreme way of asking for the film to be changed. As Hanna was flagging, she went for a nap and Arya had a bounce around.

"This isn't my house! I need a
better house."

Then I unboxed my new computer with a little help from Arya, and this proved to be a grand plan.She set the packing up as a ladder. I pointed out that she'd be too big, so she declared 'Everest could climb it!' And so she did. Then she decided to climb inside and decorate the box itself, drawing on the insides of the box with her crayons and asking for tickets to enter it (I provided an old season ticket for the purpose.)

To round out the day, she decided that the computer itself was a fine thing, so she sat and did some drawing using Paint. Once she got the hang of the controls, she really went to town, and I'm pretty sure she freehanded the complete London Underground map. After dinner, she decided that she wanted to go back to Ipswich straight away, which made me a little sad - I quite liked putting her to bed first last week - but given how sleepy Hanna was, it was probably better they get away quickly.

As I put her in the car, she asked to stay with me, but I know she also likes to get back to Daddy Andrew. Hopefully it won't be too long before we can get a place for all of us.

The London Underground, by Arya

The answer is never chips

Chocolate face.

It's been quite the weekend.

Hanna and Arya came over on Friday night in time for dinner (pizza) and bed. Arya wanted to go to sleep in Mummy and Daddy's bed, which we allowed, but she was very reluctant to settle once again. At one point I told her if she didn't stop playing with the handkerchief that covers the nightlight I was going to take it outside and set fire to it, which in retrospect was a bit extreme.

Work.

On Saturday we went to the library, which was nice, and she sat and 'did work' at the computers there. In her Supergirl costume. It was pretty adorable. We returned a bunch of books and got some back out again. She has clear favourites, which I have added to her wish list for Christmas so I can give them back to the library.

In the afternoon we went to soft play and let her have a run around. She was starting to get kind of tired and emotional by this point, however, and stuck to me like a limpet after we got home and Hanna went off to see some friends in Ely. As a result of this, we ended up eating quite late - after catching some new Sarah & Duck and generally chilling out together, which was nice, and she also had a 'nap' earlier in the afternoon, which mostly involves some quiet time with her audiobooks - and getting to bed even later. On the upside, she lay down willingly and was asleep in minutes. It turns out that she can get tired enough to sleep.

Superbike

On Sunday we had a big brunch and went to the park; again in the Supergirl costume, see picture to the left for SuperArya riding the Harley Davidson memorial. Whiel we were there, a little boy of five - he was very clear - tried to get her to engage in a swinging contest, but she was having none.

"You could swing high like me!"
"I think it's too high."

Eventually he went off, and Arya looked up from her slight, sedate rocking and said: "Daddy; push me higher!" Well played.

Then we came back for Arya's bath. She'd ducked it on Saturday by asking for a nap, so this was non-negotiable, although she almost escaped because the water was running cold. Still, with the aid of some Storybots I got her hair washed, and she is probably slightly more knowledgeable on dinosaurs and outer space (and we got to have a chat about why they say 'ow-der space,' which was... unexpected.)

Later in the afternoon, Hanna and Arya did drawing and baked a cake, and carved a pumpkin in the wake of a terrible, terrible blow up after Arya asked for a sad-faced pumpkin because she 'likes people being sad' and couldn't understand why this was upsetting for Mummy. Arya is very erudite, which I think can hide the fact that she's not always great with emotional and conceptual nuance, and she can say some worrying things. Some may be things to watch for, but others are misunderstandings, or in some cases she guesses what she thinks we want her to say if she doesn't understand us. She's also easily distracted, so Hanna decided to put all of her toys away, before asking Arya if she wanted 'toys or Mummy'.

Not sad.

Now... this is a question that probably ought not to have been asked. Of course Arya answered 'toys', because - I honestly believe - toys are a thing that you can have or not have, but Mummy is. Toys can be taken away, but the idea of Mummy not being there is alien; even absurd. When I pressed her she said that she loved Mummy more than toys and I told her to tell Mummy that, which she did. Hanna apologised and told Arya that she wasn't perfect, but Arya wasn't having it.

"You are perfect," she tearfully and vehemently insisted.

Having established that Mummy wouldn't be going, of course, she began cataloguing the 'must keep' toys, but again, that's because she's making sure to keep the thing that she could conceivably lose: things can go, but parents can't. It's like asking a grown up if they want their money or the planet. Of course they all want the planet, but if that's the answer they would have given, we'd be in a lot less of a mess than we are, environmentally speaking.

So anyway, they carved the pumpkin, which Arya drew the face for (see right) and it was glorious. It's lit with battery-powered fairy lights, for anyone worried it might set fire to the pumpkin, sofa or Arya.

The plan was for them to go after dinner - pumpkin soup, followed by pasta cheese and homemade cake with ice cream - but Arya wanted to stay, so Hanna offered a choice: Go now, or go to sleep at my place and go once she was out. She opted for the latter, and despite the impending separation, went to sleep pretty well. I think I clapped out next to her for a while, but then got up and we packed everything away and got Arya into the car and on her way back to Ipswich.

Princess Bat-Arya

At some point this week, Arya is going to
realise that she left her Rapunzel dress at
my house.

Let us not pretend that my daughter doesn't like to dress up as a princess.

She does.

She has three actual Disney princess dresses: An Anna dress (probably too small now,) a Tinker Belle one, and a Rapunzel one, which is purple and pink and therefore the current favourite.

Yeah, I'm not going to pretend that she doesn't like pink a lot either; that too would be disingenuous.

But this weekend she as explaining how she was a big girl now and she said to me: "I'm strong." Not pretty. Not even clever. "I'm strong." Damn straight, kiddo.

This weekend was a bit of a muddle, as Hanna was in and out for a relatively local roleplaying thing. They arrived on Friday and took me for afternoon tea near the office before we drove home. Arya was pretty tired already, but was okay as we got dinner sorted and everything, and then she realised Mummy was going out and she kicked off. She's also taken against her bed for some reason.

I eventually got her to sleep at about nine, sitting on my chair in the living room with Arya in my lap. In the morning she was sleepy and getting her up was a chore, but she enjoyed ballet and mostly listened to instructions (a few slips can be put down to having the parents in to watch.) We shopped a bit and then went to Tumble Tots, where she went straight in, no trouble (and no goodbyes!) We were planning to stop by the cathedral to listen to my friend practicing with an orchestra, but honestly she was wiped and we weren't much better, so we came home and Hanna went out again. Arya and I watched some TV and... well, that was pretty much it as we were both pretty blitzed. Actually, I tell a lie. She also decided that putting her cold hand on me was hilarious and asked if I could feel it in various places, such as my arm, my face...

How she rolls.

"Can you feel that?"
"No, Arya; that's my wallet."
"Can you feel that?"
"No, Arya; that's still my wallet."

"Can you feel that?"
"No, Arya; my wallet still has no nerve endings..."

She wanted to go to sleep in my bed, so I let her and carried her through. She was out by 8.20.

On Sunday we had a lazy day. I made pancakes before Hanna went out again, and Arya and I stayed home pretty much all day. We did go to the shop, with Arya in her dress and Batman hoodie, looking like a gender-busting total boss, but otherwise watched TV - including a new series of Sarah & Duck, hoorah! - until she decided that she wanted a sleep.

Since it was kind of early, we went into the bedroom and I read her some books, then suggested she put her head down and rest, even if she couldn't sleep. She agreed and I left her for a bit, but she came out and found me and told me that Dolly couldn't get to sleep and was feeling poorly. Having established that she felt okay (she was a little hot in the morning, so of course I was convinced that she had the incurable paralysis flu bug of death) I checked on Dolly and we made sure that she was all settled and comfortable. Arya used my hifi's remote control to call the doctor, as Mummy and Daddies do when she is ill; first Doctor Police, and then Doctor Princess (better known to readers as Princess Doctor Bear.) The doctors affirmed that, yes, Dolly was sick, so she tucked her in and made sure she was comfortable, and then took her to see the doctor in her little house (and nice to see the little house getting some more use.)

Dolly Care.

She also called Mummy on the remote control, and told me that Mummy was going straight home to Ipswich.

She spent the last bit of the afternoon until Mummy came home looking after Dolly and we had dinner, and then came bedtime and that was difficult. She really didn't want to go to bed; or rather, she wanted to go to bed in Mummy and Daddy's bed again, but Mummy was trying to get a nap there, and with the best will in the world it's not possible for Mummy to do that with Arya in the bed. We had a bit of a to-do about getting ready for bed, and once more it took well over an hour to get her in an settled, although we were running early and that still meant she was down by 8.10. Later, I put her in the car and Mummy took her home to Ipswich.

"These criminals are a superstitious and
cowardly lot..."

It's amazing to watch the personality develop in my little girl. Her surety and confidence. Her tendency to try to clean up by wiping the bathroom floor with whatever comes to hand (I'm washing the hand towels a lot.) Her love of princess dresses and superhero hoodies. Her insistence that she is Arya. She is strong. That I don't need to be afraid of the bad lessons (I totally am afraid of the bad lessons.) Her laugh. Her smile. Her adorably serious sit-and-think face (see right.) The fact that when Dolly is poorly - as a result of picking her nose, I might add, in case anyone thinks I'm romanticising - she calls 'Doctor Police' and 'Doctor Princess' for a second opinion.

She still kicks off sometimes if she doesn't get her way, especially when she's tired, but when she does listen, she can be reasoned with. She understands limits and can follow instructions. She knows - usually - when to ask and when to go ahead. She knows about roads, although she isn't always aware of them, which is why she has to walk with us and hold hands when it's busy, and she gets that. She is strong, and she is smart, and of course I still want to wrap her in a bubble and protect her from the world, but at the same time I know she's going to go out there when she's older and kick some serious butt.

She is Princess Bat-Arya.

Sleepless in Seattle('s favourite exported coffee emporium)

Friends.

On Friday, Hanna called with good news as she was on the way to her night shift. Andrew had caught a delayed earlier train and would be with me earlier than expected. Now, this actually meant that Arya arrived, awake, before I'd eaten dinner (but after she had,) but did mean that I got to see her on Friday night for the hour and a half it took to get her to sleep.

Yeah, there's no denying it now; Arya doesn't want to sleep, and I'm pretty sure it's because she wants to spend more time with me. I think it may be worse for me because it used to be our thing, the sign of our secure bond. Now I can't get her to settle. She kicks her blankets off, she wants them back on, she wants the phone playing her sleep meditation next to her but she won't play with it and she wasn't playing with it even if it was open she was just starting it again and she is settled and going to sleep and she's willing to sit up and argue the point if I try to leave.

It's hard to remember that she's doing this because she loves me.

On Saturday we had a bit of a hoo-hah over getting to ballet, since Arya needed the toilet right before we left for the bus and I couldn't find her boots (they were, it turned out, right in front of me,) so I had to bundle her into the pushchair and run down the road to wait fifteen minutes for a bus. As the bus was late, I also didn't have time to fight Arya over her hair, so it didn't get brushed. Still, we had a good ballet lesson and she listened really well right up to the last bit, which is pretty good going, and she got herself changed afterwards, which is a big step.

"Chug! Chug! Chug!"

We met up with Hanna, did a little shopping and had tea. Hanna was buying some makeup and Arya was fascinated and wanted to use make up as well, which was a bit of a downer for me. We make an effort to keep her from being pushed into being super-girly, but by the same token don't want her to feel that she can't go that way if she wants to. Make-up seemed a bit much, but more on that later. We headed to Tumble Tots, where Arya wanted me to take her in for the first tie in a few weeks. She settled pretty fast, however, and as soon as they were onto the apparatus I was able to slip away.

After that we went home and I left Arya and Hanna to rest. Honestly I thought they might both pass out, but when I got back from shopping, Arya had kept Hanna awake. Hanna went to nap and Arya and I watched some TV, since she wasn't up to much more and neither was I. We mixed it up a bit, with PAW Patrol, Beat Bugs and Ask the Storybots, and then I made dinner.

Bedtime was... fraught. I think that what really isn't in her capacity to grasp - delayed gratification comes in at about 5 on average - is that if she is willing to let herself sleep and give up on forty minutes of grumbling and snapping, we'll all have more and better time together the next day.

On Sunday we went to soft play again, and stopped by the shops on the way home to buy garlic bread for Hanna's dinner, only there wasn't any.

Me: "I'm looking for the frozen free from that used to be right here."
Hanna: "It's over there."
Me: "Yeah, but that's just puddings and hotpot and..."
Hanna: "Garlic bread. There."
Me: "... They literally just put that there when I wasn't looking, I swear."

For the Horde!

Back at home, Mummy got some rest while I gave Arya a bath (pretty good going on that front) and then they played with make-up while I cooked. This was way more awesome than I had expected.

Once Mummy had made up Arya, Arya returned the favour. No pictures, on pain of pain.

We ate and Arya was pretty good about getting ready for and into bed, but that was when the trouble started. After almost an hour she started saying she wanted to go to the beach, so I put on the beach-based meditation track, which she immediately denied was the beach one (it's a slow starter) and began fiddling with the phone. I put the phone away on the shelf and left her to calm and settle, but then there was an 'ow!' Like, literally an ow. I checked in - you have to - and she was clasping her knee in pain. What had happened?

"I was running and I fell."
"Where?"
"At nursery."

When Mummy joined us the story was that she fell off her scooter, which if true. I imagine the other is as well, as far as it goes.

Hanna got her to sleep. Then at gone midnight it was up to tend to a legit owy which needed soothing.

Pronounced 'pseudo-cream.'

"I need sudocrem."

So I fetched the tub.

"Is that sudocrem?"
"Yes."
"I don't like sudocrem."
"But you asked for sudocrem."
"I don't like sudocrem. I want real cream."

I don't know if that's her first pun, but it's solid work for the wee, small hours.

This morning she slept until gone seven and was still tired from the get go. I'm worried about her sleep, especially if I'm in part the cause of it. I love my daughter very much, and would do anything not to hurt her.

Guilt

"My lips are sealed."

Okay, so... I'm feeling very guilty at the moment, and I'm trying not to, because I'm pretty sure that feeling guilty is part of the problem.

Andrew brought Arya over on Friday night, with a minor detour to Downham Market. She arrived mostly asleep, waking up enough to look at me and cuddle the tiger, but not really enough to notice anything. Once more, she woke me up early by calling me in to help her use the toilet, which is pretty good going. For the record, this weekend was accident free.

We went to ballet on the bus, which meant a super-early start (by Saturday standards.) We caught the bus at eight and reached the studio before it was open, but that did give us lots of time to get her changed and ready. She wanted me to come into class with her, where I discovered that, as I suspected, my flexibility is completely shot overall, although I can plie like a boss. When they did their gallops, Arya was paired off with the new assistant because 'you're very sensible'. I was so proud.

After that, we got her into the pushchair and bussed off to Tumble Tots. Halfway there she decided that she absolutely didn't want to do Tumble Tots; that it was the Devil's work. Fortunately she agreed to reassess this decision once she'd had a snack, and in the end went in all on her own with no fuss whatsoever. We didn't see her until she came out with a sticker over her mouth (strictly her choice; they always stick them to the t-shirt.) Getting home was a bit of a struggle, what with rain and buses and all. In the end we caught a train back to Littleport, but that did give us a chance to have a toastie in Costa, which by that point we really needed.

The rest of the afternoon was quiet and companionable - what there was of it; we didn't get home until after 3 from out 8 o'clock start - and I did pasta and cheese for dinner. Arya gobbled it up, which was especially impressive since the cheese in the sauce was about 50% somewhat venerable brie with a very strong flavour.

Unlocking the fast travel system.

And then of course it was bedtime, and that's where the trouble started. She got into bed just fine, but then she wouldn't settle. She wanted her meditation book, but she kept trying to mess with the phone. If I was there, she talked to me, and if I left she'd get hold of the phone and play with it. When I tried to leave her to settle, she also begged me not to go. I told her that I was happy to sit with her while she went to sleep, but she had to be ready and settled and right now she wasn't, to which she replied: "I'm sorry; it's all my fault."

Apparently I've somehow managed to teach her self-loathing already. This is what I mean about me feeling guilty being the problem.

Anyway, I went out and Andrew went in for a bit and promised that I'd go back if she settled, and when I went in five minutes later she was out like a light. I'm pretty much certain by now that she isn't sleeping for me because she wants to spend more time with me. She may even be worried that she'll wake up and not be there anymore.

Arya made that big thing at the back, inasmuch as she stuck a few extra bits
onto the Bat-carrier that Daddy Andrew made to transport the Batmobile.

In the morning she woke me by knocking on my door, which was adorable (I'd say no pun intended, but that would be disingenuous.) We had breakfast and chilled for a bit. Arya played with her Duplo, or sat with me while she played the new Duplo games on her phone. When it came time to make lunch, she wouldn't let me go to cook, insisting she wanted me to stay and that Daddy Andrew should cook.

After lunch we went to the park, where Arya had a run about, played on the slide and pretended to hitch her buggy to the springy horse. She has this slightly exasperated way of saying "I'm just pretending" which suggests that she thinks we don't get it. She has a wonderful imagination and can and will pretend just about anything except that she isn't Arya. Even when she roleplays, she's emphatic on this point.

"I'm Arya!"

Come time to go, Arya was finding her second wind and very lively. We loaded Daddy Andrew with food for dinner and they got ready to go. She was fine and dandy, and gave me a last hug, then as they headed off she ran back, clung to me and said "I want to stay with you."

My first mistake was agreeing to come to the station with her. Everything else followed from that. She didn't want to go in the pushchair, so we got to the station with seconds to spare. I felt bad just flinging her on a train, so I went to Ely with them. As my train pulled in, she begged me to either take her with me or come to Ipswich. I hugged her tight, handed her to Andrew, turned and almost ran into the back of the old lady who had stopped to explain to the mum in front of her that the wheel of her buggy board had come off and fallen onto the tracks. It was the decent thing to do, but as I hovered there, Arya howling in abandonment, I desperately wanted to just shove her onto the train.

But hey, my girl is smart. Before we left she'd asked for a couple of sweeties to take on the train. I gave her an old Kinder egg pod to carry them in. While we were waiting on the station, she asked to have the sweets, then looked at the empty pod and said: "I think I have to take this back to Daddy Luke's house."

Sly devil.

I texted once they were underway and Andrew assured me she was better for time and food. I still miss her terribly.