Nevermind

Today I went swimming with my baby girl for the first time. It wasn't my first time swimming of course, nor hers - she's been with her mother several times - but it is the first time I've been in a while.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. I took the morning off work, and part of me was expecting that she would howl and scream and hate me forever for getting her wet. In fact, she was lovely and it was an amazing experience. Hannah showed me all the things they do in baby swim classes and I took her for a swim (I pulled her along while calling out 'kick-kick-kick' like a loon, and possibly at one point 'tekili-li' instead), floated her, anointed her head with water (to teach her to hold her breath) and then swam her underwater, which was a little heart-stopping, but she took it in fine form.

We also spent several minutes just watching each other while she floated, and apparently the sight of me is no longer weird and scary to her. In fact, I think she really is beginning to recognise me as someone who has a place in her life, which is an incredible feeling.

We went during family swim time, so the pool was full of small girls pointing at Arya and going 'aww'.

Then I swam six lengths of the main pool (150m, which isn't bad after such a long break) and joined the girls in the changing village to finish up. I have a leisure card now, so I need to make sure I swim from time to time.

Note to self for next time: Remember £1 coin for lockers.

In more general news, she continues to beat the curve on vocalisation and - if her attempts to gnaw my finger off are any indication - also teething.

Development Hell

In a lot of ways, Arya-Rose is ahead of the curve.

She's highly aware of her surroundings and, for her age, incredibly mobile. Her legs have remarkable strength - she can bear her weight easily, but is still a long way off being able to balance - and she is starting to grip with impressive power. She has also managed, at two months old, to nail down the difference between night and day, and to recognise that night is for sleeping.

Unfortunately, as she is still young enough to need about eighteen hours sleep in a twenty-four hour period, this means she is forcing herself to stay awake in the daylight, becoming grumpy by nightfall and generally making it hard for her mother in particular to get anything done during the day.

But she is wonderful in the mornings, smiling at us and waving her arms around and making preliminary vocalisations like a good un. We also spent a fine hour last night singing sad folk songs to her while Hannah got some sewing done.

My Girls

To set the scene, last week I was told I would get no compensation for the crap I went through with my bathroom, not even a small rent rebate, and to stop me arguing the estate agents essentially threatened to evict me for having Hannah and Arya living at the flat if I didn't just go along with it.

So I did.

Now, Hannah, Andrew and I are all members of the Isles of Darkness Roleplaying Society. On Saturday, as I was warming up towards Sunday's games in Norwich as a way of letting off steam and putting this business behind me, I got an email telling me that we weren't allowed to take Arya-Rose to games; that her presence made some people 'uncomfortable'.

This was news to us, as everyone who had spoken to us had been more than happy to have her around.

It was also, we figured, blatant discrimination against breastfeeding mothers to not allow them to play because their baby wasn't allowed in the game room. We pointed this out and were told we could have her in the out of character areas as long as no-one was running a scene there, which still pretty much froze Hannah out when we went along to Norwich. Since she's the driver and effectively can't do anything when we're there, I shall probably not be going to Norwich until Arya is able to spend closer to even time with Hannah, Andrew and I so we each get two-thirds of a game. I love the games there, but even if she would, it's really not fair to ask someone to drive you to a game they can't participate in.

I'm looking at putting up a motion to change the rules, but for now it's a real block to our doing anything in the society.

But that's not what gets me. I actually understand where people might be coming from. We play games with 'dark, mature themes' and I figure I might well feel uncomfortable playing a psychopathic monster with a baby in the room. If someone had said that to us, I'm pretty sure we'd have happily taken Arya aside, or into the OOC area for a while; likewise if she were kicking off.

That isn't what happened though. Instead, someone or someones went behind our backs to complain that we were making them uncomfortable, not to the local level coordinators, but to the National Coordinator.

Well, guess what, now I feel uncomfortable, and I get twitchy when I'm uncomfortable, and irritable, and angry. My reaction has actually been used as a rationale for why people didn't want to confront me directly, but seriously, this is not my reaction to people not wanting to game around my little girl; it's my reaction to people running behind my back to tell tales to the teacher and make someone else bear the brunt of our displeasure - and, I am pleased to say, that of the very many friends who have shown support for us in this - because they assumed that we'd be petty and unreasonable about it.

Had we been approached reasonably, a reasonable compromise could have been sought. As it is, there was no reason, no negotiation; we've just been given the bare minimum consideration that the law requires in favour of the sensibilities of those who have refused to engage us on the subject, and with no regard whatsoever for our feelings. As to those, it feels to me as if Hannah is being excluded and Andrew and I are being asked to choose between the IoD and Hannah and Arya, and that's not even a choice.

My girls, every time.

And I apologise for the passive-aggressive tone of this post, but I don't actually have a choice, as I do not know who it is that did this.

And now the screaming begins

Arya-Rose is having a bad week. She wants to be with her Mummy pretty much all of the time, and when she isn't, she screams.

And I feel like the devil. The fact that my ability to even temporarily house her has been called into question by a dispute with my estate agents doesn't help of course.

But sometimes she'll lie peacefully in my arms, even if only for a short while, and smile at me, and I know that it is all worthwhile. I just have to hold onto that when she's making me feel like I must have hurt her without meaning it.